Vampires
You know, I support affirmative action. I support all things diverse. But something tells me it is not only unwise, but probably not legal to hire the mentally challenged to draw blood at a medical facility.
Oh, I hear you, "Amy, I'm certain that the unnamed lab you went to today doesn't hire mentally challenged individuals to draw blood." And you may be right, but the unnamed lab I went to sure as fire hires f$cktards.
I'm not afraid of needles, I have a tattoo for crissakes. But the phlebotomist I saw today is making me have a fear of phlebotomists. She got through the taking of the blood okay, but when it came time to put pressure on the place she took blood and put a bandaid on me, she failed miserably.
She slapped the bandaid on and ripped my sleeve back down. As I was walking down the sidewalk toward the Jeep I noticed my arm felt wet. I looked down and saw a little red lake growing on my left arm. I jerked the sleeve back up to find that the bandaid was no where to be found.
I jumped in the Jeep and drove as quickly back to the office as I could. Me being me, I was more concerned about my shirt being stained than I was any loss of blood. Priorities, I got 'em.
I got on the elevator to go back up to my floor, praying that no one would get on with me, because I honestly looked like I'd either been in a knife fight or tried to commit suicide. And because fate is a cruel bitch, sure enough someone got on the elevator with me.
Being the twisted individual I am, I decided not to say anything at first. My elevator mate began to get a little uneasy being on the elevator with a bloodied woman. I could tell he was trying to decide whether to ask if I needed help or to call security. After what likely seemed an eternity to him, I let him off the hook and explained my misadventure at the lab.
He sprinted off the elevator. My cubemate nearly passed out upon seeing me. I went to the bathroom and washed most of the blood out, but spent the rest of the day with a pink stain on my shirt.
Finally, a colleague told me I was a biohazard and that I should go home. I think I know what I'm going to be for Halloween now.
Oh, I hear you, "Amy, I'm certain that the unnamed lab you went to today doesn't hire mentally challenged individuals to draw blood." And you may be right, but the unnamed lab I went to sure as fire hires f$cktards.
I'm not afraid of needles, I have a tattoo for crissakes. But the phlebotomist I saw today is making me have a fear of phlebotomists. She got through the taking of the blood okay, but when it came time to put pressure on the place she took blood and put a bandaid on me, she failed miserably.
She slapped the bandaid on and ripped my sleeve back down. As I was walking down the sidewalk toward the Jeep I noticed my arm felt wet. I looked down and saw a little red lake growing on my left arm. I jerked the sleeve back up to find that the bandaid was no where to be found.
I jumped in the Jeep and drove as quickly back to the office as I could. Me being me, I was more concerned about my shirt being stained than I was any loss of blood. Priorities, I got 'em.
I got on the elevator to go back up to my floor, praying that no one would get on with me, because I honestly looked like I'd either been in a knife fight or tried to commit suicide. And because fate is a cruel bitch, sure enough someone got on the elevator with me.
Being the twisted individual I am, I decided not to say anything at first. My elevator mate began to get a little uneasy being on the elevator with a bloodied woman. I could tell he was trying to decide whether to ask if I needed help or to call security. After what likely seemed an eternity to him, I let him off the hook and explained my misadventure at the lab.
He sprinted off the elevator. My cubemate nearly passed out upon seeing me. I went to the bathroom and washed most of the blood out, but spent the rest of the day with a pink stain on my shirt.
Finally, a colleague told me I was a biohazard and that I should go home. I think I know what I'm going to be for Halloween now.
posted by A.McSholty at 7:47 PM
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