I'm not right

Maybe its the weather. Maybe I just have the blahs. Maybe I'm working myself into a lather over nothing. This has been a miserable week. I don't even want to go into the low lights.

Suffice to say, my self-esteem is in the toilet. I'm taking offense where I shouldn't. I'm feeling paranoid, worthless and afraid. And no matter what the hell I do I can't f'ing shake it.

I am so frustrated. I'm totally freaking out about my health "situation." I know it isn't rational, but FEAR isn't rational either. I want to scream. I want to cry. I can't even do that.

I feel like a complete and total screw up. Who the hell gets herself so fucking worked up she can't even let it out with a good cry or yell.

Me, apparently.

A friend asked me how I was doing the other day and I handily lied that I was doing just fine. In my head, I was screaming I'm coming apart at the seams over something trivial and I'm too much of a puss to admit it.

No, I'm not right indeed. I'm scared and pathetic right now. So I'm screaming and crying to the ether right now as if that makes all of my screwed up feelings right.

But at least it is a release. At least it is off my chest and out of my screwed up brain. At least for the moment.